Enlightened. Spiritual. Aware.

I have been toying with several concepts lately. These are ideas that I have wanted to “strive” towards, basically ideas I have wanted to embrace. I would “think” about being more positive, trying to sit with myself, trying to be the person I would want to be friends with. I would even try to see the good in people, even when I felt hurt in the situation. I honestly feared sharing my deep anger/sadness with others because I ‘thought’ I would lose my “enlightened” status. The funny thing about concepts is that they are thoughts that keep you separate from all that you are currently in the moment.

I am no more “enlightened” than the next person. Thinking so would be a judgement (I’m better, or worse, etc), which in itself is from fear, which takes me out of the present moment. I have to acknowledge for myself that I use “enlightenment” in order to escape from my true feelings of isolation and helplessness. These fears are not physical realities, but more so realities that my mind is creating and I every day I find ways to run from. Living from fear, literally.

I have a fear that I will always be wondering, “is this all life is?”. The true breakthrough and understanding is that “Yes! This is all that life is!” That’s the beauty right here, right now. There’s laughter, love, betrayal, sadness, expectations, anger, joy, and every emotion in between. Here. Now.

There is no present, no past, just now. Cliche yes, but then again, cliche is just another concept too.