How do you move forward with your life when you know that the only thing stopping you is yourself? 

I struggle with the fact that I tend to still live within the confines of the “thoughts” of my “story”… both of which are not real. I have the conscious awareness that this is the case, but I still don’t let go. Even when I acknowledge that letting go of the comfort of my “victim story” would mean that I could move into new terrain that could lead to  a deeper understanding of myself (what I want all along), I still hold on.  Then, I beat myself up for not allowing this transformation to occur. It’s a vicious, albeit comfortable, cycle. Something that I can “predict”. 

I acknowledge that I am addicted to hating myself/believing my thoughts. I feel comfort in constant anxiety, constant internal negativity and judgments. I am ready to let it go, and I simultaneously still have the little girl inside of me wanting to be seen–it’s like she’s kicking and screaming saying “hey! you can’t leave me!”. How do I positively get attention without reliving my victim story? Am I strong enough to follow through with letting go of the story I constantly tell myself in my mind? Can I take this leap of faith? Even on this blog I’m cognizant that I am not using my words as a platform to perpetuate my victim hood story.

If I could wave a magic wand, I would be giving love freely to all living beings without attachment, without the thought “what will I get in return?”. I want to be able to positively light people’s lives on fire, so that they too can carry their torches onward to light up those around them. Participating in the evolution of souls is a beautiful thing. Being in the presence of a higher vibration only helps to raise your own, which you can pass on to others. Some days I feel as if I can conquer the world and others–all I can think about are my own “take care of me/see me” wants and needs. Other days, I wonder what is the point of this dimension–Is it really possible to raise the consciousness of the masses if I can barely keep up my vibration?

I have a deep understanding that we are all connected and one. There is no benefit to “me” or “you” there is only a benefit to all–especially when it comes to helping souls evolve to higher planes.  Sometimes I have connected visions that the purpose of this life is to be present for everyone/everything–to create space for people to expand. I want people to feel their purpose, their connection and their beautiful life force. I want to create communities where people feel connected and operate at a higher vibration. I know this–and then my own ego gets in the way. I begin to hate myself for my neediness–my neediness for this level of connection. It’s as if anything I experience is never enough. When I am sucked into this thought process, I no longer feel connected to anything. Then I’m back to where I started. The realization that the only thing keeping me disconnected from myself and my world are my thoughts. 

If I let go of the attachment to my thoughts–will I find myself, or something even greater? I know the freedom I’m searching for isn’t from the outside world, it’s from the confinement of my own thoughts. When fully realized, this freedom will allow my hear to expand exponentially without attachments to the outcome.  

My freedom comes from releasing the attachment to my thoughts–and this also means fully experiencing my feelings. Although this could be scary, this is the ticket to  my heart expansion and raising the vibration of those around me.