Today, my phone was lost (or stolen).

I’m upset about the physical loss of the phone, but I’m even more upset about what this loss represents. This is a metaphor for me, the idea that I am feeling disconnected from people, and ultimately myself and I am now “physically” disconnected. Now, no one can actually get a hold of me.  I have no way of retrieving everyone’s numbers, my old pictures, or old voicemails/texts. My whole past life for the past two years has been wiped out. Literally.

Does this mean that I need to let go? Probably.

Losing this modality of connection requires me to make a choice. Either I continue to feel isolated and I use the excuse that I now don’t have a phone, or I can see it as a way for me to go deeper into my healing process.

What do I define as connection– I feel as if it only counts if I’m important or thought of by other people. I’m starting to realize that’s not true. Connectedness entails the ability to trust that this moment is unfolding as it should and that you can engage and love life exactly as it is occurring. Connectedness to me means that my heart gives compassion to others (and myself) in the present moment. Maybe instead of trying to find friends that “validate” me, I need to give that validation to myself and figure out how to give this to others. So, maybe the loss of the phone is a signal to myself that I need to stop trying to connect outwardly to meet my needs. Connecting with myself looks like eating healthy, going to bed on time, and setting positive boundaries with my mother. This is unfolding awareness.

Interesting how the loss of a cellphone can bring so much insight to how connection is defined in my life.